Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
