its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Verdict: uncircumcised.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
