Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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