College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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