Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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