Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
