I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
