if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
