Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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