I like my sex mixed with concussions.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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