have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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