we're blogging at a bar
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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