I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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