ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
