When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
