So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
