just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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