I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
