So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i now understand why vodka
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
