all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
