WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
