I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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