Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
