and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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