Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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