what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
