omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
