Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
