if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
