So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Green mimosas i think yes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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