I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
