i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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