very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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