why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
