My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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