I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
