Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
