Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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