chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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