haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
