Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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