i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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