I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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