You're so nebulous sometimes
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
