Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I checked into jail on foursquare
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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