plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
