I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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