broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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