You can't special order awesome
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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