420 ftw
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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