What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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