I wish I could teleport
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
