I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
