Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
