I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
