C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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