It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
